Dinner Table Cel Phone Etiquette

 

Mmmmm foccacia dipped in balsamic and olive oil . . ., and no mom, that is not my phone ringing . . . I turned it off . . .

  . . . turning phone onto vibrate . . .

Put your phone away before we get into trouble.

Trouble, Shmouble, Mom, Don’t you think my new ring tone is the coolest?

Hmmm . . . gotta call the guys.

Hey dudes! We’re Having dinner with the parents – so, where’s the party tonight?

We can sneak out by ten – mom is usually crashed by then . . .

Sappy Sunday Morning

I woke up this morning . . . happy, warm and cozily tucked in with two guys: one big and the other small, and I thought to myself, I love my life. I wanted to stay in bed for most of the morning and that’s just what we did.

I cooked up a breakfast of fried eggs, bacon, toast topped with cheese and tomatoes, and a strawberry or two on the side. We added lots of Baileys to our coffees, tucked back into bed, and ate up our breakfast while watching a movie. 

I know, it’s sappy. But there is nothing better then Sunday morning in bed with food, my love and my sweet smelling child to make me feel, for a moment, that all is right in the world.

Eventually we got out of bed. The rambunctious child was insisting we get up and play with him. My love got up to watch football, small child found a pile of toys to throw about, I poked around in the fridge and found the apple pie I baked Friday night. The perfect dessert to munch on while blogging.

 

mmmmmm apple pie held up in the perfect light by my ‘Eat Clean’ cookbook. All low fat, whole grain healthy food. No pie recipes. The cookbook encourages the use of organic produce and I used organic apples for the pie. . .  I’m happy to report that cookbook wasn’t a complete waste of money after all.

Have a sappy, happy Sunday.

What a happy marriage looks like on a bad day

 

Here is a recent conversation I had with the love of my life:

My sweetie: “I have to run some errands be back in a while”

Me:“Hey, can you stop by the grocery store and pick up a few things?”

The love of my life: “Sure, give me the list”

My loving man runs his errands, goes to the store for me and comes home. He gives me a beautiful smelling bunch of flowers and greets me with a kiss. I go through the grocery bags. I notice he has picked up some extra items that were not on my list.

Me, in a high pitched fishwife sounding voice: “Premium plus crackers? Why didn’t you buy the whole wheat? I told you to buy russet potatoes THESE are not russet potatoes. . .  soup? What did you buy soup for? We don’t need soup. I make soup all the time. Canned soup is the most sodium filled gross, tasteless, unhealthy stuff what’s wrong with you?”

Annoyed sweetie: “I like canned soup for lunch every once in a while what is your problem?”

Me,Crazy bitch: “Nothing! I just don’t know why you can’t stick to my list and   . . .“

I know I’m being unreasonable at this point but I can’t give it up. I was irritated earlier for a number of reasons and now the whole crappy day was coming to an end right then.

Bad day = blame husband

Later, as I’m baking chocolate chip cookies (butter, sugar and more butter with a touch of chocolate chips) I continue to fume to myself as I eat a freshly baked cookie (butter, sugar, butter . . )  I can’t believe that man could bring junk food into the house; he can’t even follow a simple grocery list. It’s his fault my jeans a too tight.

The next day, I serve my small child evil, unhealthy, not wholesome homemade chicken noodle soup, but canned soup – and he eats it like candy. My sweet child slurps the soup up like it’s the most delicious thing he has ever tasted. He never eats my homemade soup like that. (Little turncoat.) On the bright side, opening a can of soup and warming it up was so EASY.

Oh no,

It’s a slippery slope. Next I will be serving frozen entrees and stop cooking from scratch completely. That can’t be good. Doesn’t that mean I’m a bad mother because I don’t always serve homemade, perfect food with a smile on my face and a frilly apron? No, I’m not crazy, it’s my bad, bad, husband.

When I was a single parent I would scoff at all those ungrateful wives. They should be so lucky to have someone else to even ATTEMPT to empty the dishwasher, cook a meal or pick up some groceries.

Bad day = ungrateful wife

Bad days happen and there was mine. How’s your week going?

How I keep my New Years Resolutions

It’s Friday my favourite day of the week. One week into my new years resolutions and I’m doing great. Here’s my resolutions and why I’m doing so well:

1) Lose weight

I will start with the easiest one to keep. Lose weight until I’m supermodel thin. I know, it’s crazy and unrealistic, BUT it makes me feel better when I am eating chocolate cake because I KNOW that trying to achieve supermodel skinniness is a foolish endeavour and can only be accomplished with a muzzle and good diet drugs like cocaine or crystal meth. I don’t own a muzzle, the good drugs are illegal and in the end . . . I’m left with this really nice piece of cake. Look, it’s twisted logic but whatever it takes so I can eat chocolate cake while surfing the net for good celebrity gossip, guilt free, works in my world.

2) Work out more

I get my workouts in so I don’t even notice them. I workout with the occasional walk/cardio in my routine and some weight training. My walks from one end of the vast Costco parking lot from my car to the entrance and back again while pushing a heavy Costco cart with a broken wheel is my cardio. When the cart is full of *groceries I get points (in my book) for weight training. If I shopped at Costco more I would be in the best shape ever but there is only so much shopping a girl can do in a week which brings me to my next resolution.

*The crispy fries I buy at the concession are necessary energy for that walk.

3) Spend Less Money

I’m the mom. That means I spend 90% of our disposable income. I do all the shopping. I buy all the food, clothing, cleaning supplies, medication, car repairs, house repairs, wants and needs of the whole family. I have started to delegate all that spending. I give the occasional list to my hubby when he walks out the door. Now that my son drives he gets a list and some cash also. Online shopping is another wonderful way to delegate all that spending. I have accounts already set up so I’m not even pulling out my credit card. Context is everything. (or is it denial?) As long as I’m not spending or I am one step removed from actually touching cash or credit cards I am spending less. Next item:

4) Be a nicer person

I am a nice person. About 10 days out of the month I am very pleasant and nice. The rest of the month is divided up just so: I have about 7 days of  bitchy p.m.s.  and the other 14 days? I am a mother and stepmother of two teenagers  ‘nough said.

5) Be a ‘Better’ Parent

An acquaintance with grown kids once said to me, while we were lamenting how difficult it can be to raise kids: “in the end, you’re either paying for bail or tuition.” He had a point. Yes, my delusions of being in control of my children and their lives ended pretty quick the day my precious toddler screamed “NO” and had a full out tantrum in the middle of a public place full of old ladies tut tutting and on another lovely day *when the police showed up at my door to speak to my teenage son. That was the day I threw up my hands in surrender and started drinking more, which in the end, made me a much calmer, kinder parent.

*police incident was resolved with no jail time

6) Drink less

See # 5